The Lizard King, Act III

Act I and Act II.

The curtain opens on the apartment, where “Pitch Perfect” is playing on the TV.  FRANCO and SUZETTE are cuddling on the couch, nestled close.  The apartment is dark.

CORKSCREW bursts in through the door, making both FRANCO and SUZETTE jump up in surprise.

CORKSCREW: I think I’ve figured it out!

FRANCO stands up angrily; SUZETTE is still hiding on the couch in the darkened room.

FRANCO: Dude, you’re interrupting here!

CORKSCREW: No, I figured it out!  I know about the lizard king!

SUZETTE sits bolt upright and screams.  FRANCO and CORKSCREW both jump and stare at her.

SUZETTE hysterically: Oh my god, it’s coming!

CORKSCREW: Yeah, on Friday!  It actually looks pretty scary!

FRANCO: Wait, what?

CORKSCREW: It’s this new movie that’s opening up!  In theaters this Friday.  Apparently they’re big on the whole ‘guerrilla marketing’ thing.

FRANCO: Oh, that actually makes sense.  Kind of.  To SUZETTE: So you’re a promoter for this movie?

SUZETTE: No!  The real lizard king!  I saw it!


CORKSCREW: Like an early showing?

SUZETTE: No!  On the subway!  I was riding the subway back, and all of a sudden, there was this giant lizard . . . thing!  Stumbling towards me!

CORKSCREW: So why did you call me the lizard king?

SUZETTE: I didn’t!  I was warning everyone!

FRANCO soothingly: Look, I’m sure it was just another marketing ploy.  Let’s just calm down.  There’s no such thing as the lizard king.

Behind CORKSCREW, a figure appears in the doorway of the still-darkened apartment.  The others turn to see a giant lizard standing there, staring at them.  SUZETTE screams and runs out of the apartment, past the giant lizard.  FRANCO lets out a high-pitched wail and hides behind the couch.  CORKSCREW flails his arms in confusion.

The giant lizard reaches up to remove his mask, revealing JACK.

JACK: Hah, I totally got you guys!  By the way, Franco, thanks for the tip about the costume shop!  That place was amazing!

KENDRICK enters the doorway from behind JACK.

KENDRICK: Jack, I think that’s the most fun I’ve ever had on a date!  That was such a good idea!

JACK: Oh, the date’s not over!  He pulls on the mask.  Eh, misssssssy?

KENDRICK giggles and allows JACK to lead her into the apartment and offstage.  FRANCO and CORKSCREW are left standing in the apartment.  They are silent for several seconds, awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

FRANCO: I think I’ll pass on that Lizard King movie.

CORKSCREW: Yeah, sounds good.  Hey, is that Pitch Perfect?  I love this movie!


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