This, Jimmy Brodes thought miserably to himself, was really bad.
Like, so bad. Like, worse than he even imagined that getting fired would be, which – until recently – had been up there in his list of top fears. Now, however, it barely even made the list.
His fingers trembling, Brodes ran through that list again. Jameson Brodes’ Top Ten Emotions of the Moment – all fears, as usual – included: Continue reading
I remember this feeling from the very first time that I got onto a rollercoaster. The train slowly made its way up the first, biggest hill, and I felt my stomach being left further and further behind. With each foot that we ratcheted along, I knew with more and more certainty that I’d made a massive mistake. I could see the drop-off, the disaster, growing closer-
-and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
Now, sitting in my bed and staring at my phone’s glowing screen in the darkness, I felt that same pit opening up in my stomach, that same sense of disaster.
“Oh, shit,” I murmured to myself. Then again, louder: “Shit! Shit!” Continue reading
That’s right! Not that the blog is moving, but I am moving, out in the real world! The physical world. The world outside the internet.
I’m not moving far – just across town – but most of my stuff is currently stored away in boxes. I’ve got approximately 48 hours to move the contents of a two bedroom apartment, packed into the space of a one bedroom apartment, into a different apartment.
I feel like I’ve been saying the word apartment too much. Apartment. A part mint. Like an entire building – but only part of it.
You might be able to tell that my thoughts are a little scattered at the moment. Continue reading
I frowned down at the menu. “Breaded toast?” I read aloud.
The waiter, a skinny, animated little fellow who bounced around like he physically couldn’t stand still, smiled at me. Or rather, he flashed his teeth at me. It seemed almost like a rictus instead of a true smile.
“Indeed, sir. It’s available as a side dish with any item, or included with many of our entrees.”
“Yes, but… what is it?” I asked. “I mean, you can toast bread, but what’s breaded toast?” Continue reading
He stepped out into the mist, watching the swirls coalesce around him. He drew a deep breath into his lungs, tasting the moisture, the hint of decay that drifted from the massive trunks around him, craggy bark rising up into the sky to occlude the stars.
He stepped forward, blinking his eyes. All around him, the trees rose up – but out in front of him, a clearing opened up, pale moonlight shining down through the hole in the canopy. The dim light painted the scene in black and white and innumerable shades of gray, a monochromatic masterpiece.
The boy sighed, feeling tension ebb from his limbs. No one else knew about this clearing but him. He nodded when the elders warned him not to venture out too far beyond the limits of the village, not to stray into the darkness.
He nodded – but inside his head, he clung fiercely to this place, this private retreat.
His field. Continue reading
Continued from Chapter 9.0, here.
Read it from the beginning, starting here.
Axiom 9: Don’t lose hope.
Although this really, really didn’t seem like the time for introspection, I couldn’t help but reflect, as I ran through what seemed to be Heaven’s equivalent of a loading dock, on how I ended up here.
Just a little while ago (days? weeks? months?), I’d been living a totally ordinary life, headed out to the mall to pick up another pair of jeans from Gap. Next thing I knew, the Apocalypse hit, I’d been plunged into living like a hermit in a Starbucks, and I had no idea what, if anything, would exist in my future.
And then, first Alice stumbled into my life, and then Eremiel. Somehow, even though I’d only known the two of them for a few days, I found myself intensely attached to them, barely able to consider the idea of living without either of them filling my life with irritation and adventure. Continue reading
Sir, sir, don’t go walking by! Oh boy, it’s your lucky day – I’ve got a hell of an opportunity for you!
Yes, I knew that you’d stop. I see it in your eyes – you have that drive, that desire to be the best. You, sir, are a man of great taste, of conscious fashion, of wanting to have all the best things in life – but not be over the top about it, no sir. Am I right in my assessment of you? Do I have the right man?
Yes, I see that glint in your eye. You are a man who will succeed! And that’s why you need this. Continue reading
At first, when I heard the thudding of feet running by outside our cabin, I tried to squeeze my eyes shut and ignore the little bloom of irritation in my mind. It was early morning, I had Sarah beside me, and I didn’t have to get up until…
There they were again! With a grunt of frustration, I sat up, pushing the covers off of me.
“David, honey, just ignore it,” Sarah murmured beside me, not opening her eyes as a slender hand slid out from beneath the blankets to pat me on my bare chest. “It’s probably just some kids.”
“Well, they still shouldn’t be running around outside our suite – we paid good money for the full honeymoon package on this cruise,” I replied, although I smiled as I looked down at Sarah. Continue reading
Continued from Chapter 8.4, here.
Read it from the beginning, starting here.
Axiom 9: Don’t lose hope.
The first thing I saw, after stepping through the portal at the top of Mount Megiddo, was a very surprised looking angel. I barely even had time to notice that he appeared to be wearing a bright orange safety vest with reflective stripes over his white robe, and holding a pair of light-up orange cones, before I instinctively lashed out.
“Hey, what are you-” the angel began before I hit him with Eremiel’s sword.
Unfortunately – or perhaps fortunately – I wasn’t holding the sword firmly, and the blade didn’t cut forward. Instead, however, I smacked the angel in the face with the flat of the blade, knocking him back and probably leaving a nasty welt on his face.
Gripping the sword with both hands, I spun around in a circle, desperately trying to get my bearings. Judging from the fact that I’d just hit an angel, I dared to hope that I was in Heaven – but what I might encounter here, I didn’t know. Continue reading
“Do you ever wonder, Sister?”
Blanchard didn’t take her eyes off of the dusty distance. She held her breath, not wanting her vision to jump, watching the faint dust cloud. If movement, dark figures, were visible inside…
The cloud blew past, leaving no residue behind, and she sighed. Her hand, tight on the heavy rifle, loosened enough for the sight to drop down. She glanced over at the nun who stood beside her, hands folded into voluminous sleeves.
“Wonder about what?” she asked. Continue reading
Missing Brains 