This wonderful idea was inspired by another; I cannot claim credit. And for that reason, this list may be incomplete.
Everyone has a special creature they relate to, their “spirit animal.” To find their spirit animal, some people go on mystical quests into the desert, searching for an inner vision to give them guidance. Some people just get wicked drunk or take lots of drugs.
However, perhaps there are easier ways to diagnose someone’s spirit animal. Could the answer reside in, of all places, in how he or she takes their coffee?
Hummingbird: decaf, 27 sugars.
Squirrel: hazelnut, light roast. Sprinkle of nutmeg.
Black bear: venti, extra milk, honey, shot of syrup.
Sloth: straight vodka, splash of absinthe.
Panda: chai tea. Hipster.
Badger: Irish coffee, hint of nutmeg.
Grizzly bear: Salmon flavored. You don’t have salmon? Better get some.
Dog: I’ll just have whatever’s left over, thanks! How are you doing today? You must love this job! It seems so fun, getting to help make people happy all day by getting them coffee…
Cat: That one. What he has. Gimme. I want his.
Deer: Can you put salt in this?
Mosquito: Just a small, but I’m going to pay for it out of the tip jar…
Fish: Just water for me, thanks.
By the way, if anyone figures out their spirit animal from this, please, let me know! Finally, my writing will be validated…