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Plenty More Fish

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I arrived at the brewery to find him already seated at a four-person table, his head buried in his hands.  From the dent he’d managed to make in the oversized plate of nachos in front of him, I guessed that he’d been here for a while.

“Hey, buddy – I didn’t realize that you got here early,” I remarked, patting him on the back as I stepped around to sit opposite him at the table.

My friend Rich lifted his head up from his hands, blinking at me in confusion.  “Early?  I’ve only been here for a few minutes.”

I opened my mouth, but closed it again without speaking, as Rich reached out and scooped up a literal handful of nachos, cramming them indiscriminately into his mouth.  That answered my next question, then. Continue reading →

The Kepler Sculpture Garden

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“Wow, uh, sculpture garden,” I said, trying not to let disappointment color my voice. “Yeah, this is fun.”

I glanced over at Meagan, wondering if she’d bought it. It was already our third date, and I still hadn’t worked out quite how I felt about her. Unable to make a decision, I eventually just threw up my hands and elected to base the future of our relationship on this third date.

I’d let her pick the location, and so far, I wasn’t particularly impressed.

Perhaps for the best, however, Meagan hadn’t caught my sarcasm. “Oh, it’s a really unique place,” she insisted. “The whole Kepler museum is amazing, but the Times Garden has always been my favorite.”

“Yeah, great,” I nodded, as she kept on prattling on about how much she loved the sculptures. I wondered if the museum had a food court. Continue reading →

[AGttA] Chapter 3.0: Always Yell “Fore”

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Continued from Chapter 2.1, here.

Read it from the beginning, starting here.

Last entry, I wrote that I wanted something to change.

Well, that certainly happened today.

I woke up, made myself some coffee and ate a stale muffin for breakfast.  After I’d enjoyed my coffee as best I could (I’d been forced to learn how to enjoy coffee without cream, since there weren’t any cows in the Apocalypse, and I just couldn’t stomach that fake creamer stuff), I headed up to the roof of my building.

Up on top of the building’s flat roof, I grabbed my golf club and the big box of golf balls that I’d dragged up here a few weeks earlier.  Before the Apocalypse, I’d never been able to hit a golf ball, but this seemed like as good of a time as any to master this new skill. Continue reading →

Dark Matter Cretins

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The coffee cup felt reassuringly heavy in his hand.  Captain Xavier Holland turned it over in his hand for a moment, admiring its simplistic lines.

Sitting forward, he wound back – and heaved the cup as hard as he could.

A direct hit.  The cup clattered against Ensign Bran’s shoulder, making the man jerk and yelp.  “What the hell?” he burst out, spinning around to stare with injured eyes at his captain.
Continue reading →

Side Effects May Include Superpowers

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The CEO struggled to suppress his yawn as he listened to his Chief Financial Officer drone on.  Sure, the man was a wizard at making numbers jump through hoops – and vanish, when they weren’t exactly necessary to keep around – but good God, his presentation skills were terrible.

The CEO surreptitiously glanced down at his watch, a $45,000 Piaget for which he’d spent six months on a waiting list.  Either he paid all that money for a knockoff, or else the Financial Officer was literally making time itself slow down out of sheer boredom.

“Okay, well, it sounds like that’s going well,” he spoke up, slapping his hand on the conference table and cutting off the Financial Officer mid-sentence.  “Let’s hear from someone else, shall we?”
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Last words

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“Double or nothing.”

“If you won’t, I will!”

“There’s no way you can hit me from that distance.”

“Watch this!”

“Hold my beer.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not too far past the expiration date.”

“Missed me!”

“YOLO!”

“Hey, what’s this button do?”

“It’s cool, I saw this on TV.”

“It’s probably just cramps.”

“Psch.  Helmets are for losers.”

“I’m so drunk right now!”

“I’m so high right now!”

“Funny, it looks like it’s coming right at me.”

“Make me.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not loaded.”

“You and what army?”

“I can reach that…”

“Nice dog, nice dog.”

“I can pass this guy.”

“I got this – they always cut the red wire.”

Hello, world!

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Hello, world!

Er, hello, internet, I suppose.  This is only a test post, anyway, to see if all the internal gears are meshing, the cylinders are all firing in sync, and the blog engine isn’t about to jump out of my computer and light my pants on fire.

Seems good so far!  Let the search begin…