Do Computers Speak to Angels?

As soon as I saw the angel stagger into the shop, his wide grin almost totally hidden behind the huge, bulky computer monitor in his arms, I had to hold in a sigh.  This wasn’t going to be fun…

Barely able to even walk with his arms full of outdated electronics, the angel finally managed to reach one of the side tables, where he deposited his load with a crash.  I did have to admit, I was impressed he made it without tripping over the hem of his own robe.

After making sure that my employee had the front counter under control, I stepped out from behind the espresso machine and made my way over to the beaming angel.  I sized him up as I drew closer, looking for those tell-tale little details that reveal rank.

No flaming sword at his hip, so he wasn’t a guardian.  The halo had a slight pinkish hue to its glow, which said cherubim.  A crease along the back of his robe, as if a rectangular quiver usually rested there, further supported this hypothesis.

“So, what have we got here, um…” I always had trouble telling the cherubs apart.

“Galafim,” the angel filled in my waiting silence without rancor.  “Isn’t it amazing?  The latest technology!  You humans are amazing at creating these devices!”

This time, I couldn’t fully hold back my sigh as the cherub plopped down in his seat and eagerly began fiddling with the buttons on the front of the monitor.  This wasn’t the first time that an angel had brought some dilapidated piece of electronics into my coffee shop, insisting that he was “riding the wave of the future.”

First, there had been the whole “text-to-speech” incident.

I don’t even know how the poor angel managed to enable that function, but they all leapt up in shock, and a couple of the angels had their flaming swords drawn by the time I made it over, waving my hands and shouting “No, no, no!” over and over at the top of my lungs.

“The infernal adding machine is possessed!” thundered an especially feisty seraph as his blade burst into flaming life above his head.

“No, no!” I insisted, not even thinking as I rushed in between the smiting being and his target.  “It’s just a setting to help people with eyesight issues!  Here, I’ll turn it off!”

It took a few minutes of messing around in the machine’s settings menu, but I finally managed to turn off the text-to-speech function.  Compounding the matter was the issue that the angel had also somehow managed to invert the color scheme, changing it to a blend of neon lime and purple.  It was also surprisingly tough to work with angry angels holding swords peering in over my shoulder.

After that, I considered banning all electronics from my coffee shop.  But the angels promised to be good, and like a fool, I believed them.

Now, as I watched this angel poke and prod at his clunky monitor, I shook my head to myself.  I really should have known better…

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