"How would you improve a sport?"

It’s always been a dream of mine to see Battle Ball.

Start with football – two teams trying to get the ball (the “package”) into the end zone.  Keep the teams, the different plays, the armor and padding.  But let’s kick it up a notch.

Instead of just plastic padding, let’s give the players full-on armor.  I’m talking Kevlar and titanium plating.  I want full-on medieval knights plowing into each other.

Next up, we gotta address the fact that most of the players in a team end up just hitting each other and getting into a big scrum in the middle of the play.  Not too interesting.  So instead, I’m thinking that we’ll give them some tools.  The defensive linemen?  Let’s give them some of those full-body riot shields.  That’ll force the opposing team to keep their attention focused.

Imagine trying to get through a defensive line with THOSE!

But what will they even be blocking with those shields?  We need some offense in here!  So let’s give the linebackers some of those six-shot cannons used by riot police.  Don’t worry, they’ll just be loaded with beanbags.  Enough force to put a dent in the armor and knock someone off their feet, but not so powerful as to be lethal.  That would be sweet.

That’ll do some damage.

But this game still needs just a little bit more.  The one thing we haven’t addressed yet?  The field!  There’s all of this room for activities, and it’s currently just covered in grass.  How droll.  So I’m thinking that there ought to be retracting walls that rise up out of the ground, some ramps to jump off of, and maybe even a couple proximity turrets that fire off more of those beanbags.  Strategy then revolves not just around fighting the other team, but also handling the environment!  Each team’s home field could have their own arrangement of defensive countermeasures, to which the visiting team would be forced to adjust.

Teams of gladiators in full-on medieval armor, equipped with riot shields and beanbag cannons, battling up and down a booby-trap strewn field… what’s not to love about Battle Ball?

I would totally watch this.  I’d pay the exorbitant costs that would likely be involved in setting this up.  In fact, I’d want to do everything… except play.

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