Since I don’t know how to introduce these three roommates, I decided that I would simply let them introduce each other. Pay close attention, as these three will be featured in the next few updates as they go on an amazing adventure together!
Jack on Franco: “Look, he’s a pretty decent guy at heart. But it’s all buried under this thick layer of, I guess, sleaze? Is that the right term? He’s always obsessed with schmoozing and meeting people, especially when there are any girls around. I mean, he’s like a cat in heat, all the time. As soon as any attractive girl walks into the room, he immediately loses all focus and can’t do anything but go and hit on her. It’s like a disease. He’s smart, and he’d be talented if he applied himself, but his only focus is on his next conquest.”
Franco on Corkscrew:“Look, this is simple: Corkscrew is crazy. I met him when we were assigned to be roommates, along with Jack. And he wasn’t a bad roommate. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s insane. About three-quarters of the time he’ll be normal, he’ll be cool, and then, all of a sudden, he decides to do something that’s totally off the wall. He’ll be holding a great conversation with some girls, and then he suddenly decides that the conversation should shift over to which orifices would hurt the most if a jalapeno was inserted in them. I’m not even exaggerating here. I’ve given up on him as a wingman. And I don’t trust him around sharp objects.”
Corkscrew on Jack:“Jack’s an okay guy, I suppose. Levelheaded. Calm. No, not calm. He gets worked up about all the little stuff. I mean, he’s dull, boring, and whenever he’s faced with a possibility of excitement, he panics! Take me, for example. When things are boring, I like to liven them up a little. Nothing out of control, just trying to make sure we’re all having fun! But Jack, he’s like a mother hen, protesting the slightest little thing, because it might have a hint of danger. Of course there’s a hint of danger! That’s what makes it fun!”
Jack on Corkscrew: “Franco probably said that he’s crazy, right? Those two have never gotten along. But I’ll admit, Corkscrew has a tendency to not really think his actions through. He’s got a brilliant mind, but it goes in the weirdest directions, sometimes. He’ll come up with totally off-the-wall suggestions for a problem. The oddest part is, though, that his ideas work out about half the time! He’s like a mad scientist, cackling away and yanking out his hair, but still somehow managing to discover things that no one else has stumbled upon before.”
Franco on Jack: “Jack is way saner than Corkscrew, I’ll tell you that much! And he’s got decent game. He is great at listening, and girls totally dig that sort of stuff. And he actually remembers, which I still don’t understand. The next morning, he’ll be telling me about how some girl Marissa was a world champion dog trainer, or something like that. But that’s his flaw, too. He boxes himself into a corner, just acts too friendly without ever going for it. He’s got trigger anxiety, that’s what I think it is. He ends up with lots of friends, but not a lot of dates. I kind of feel bad, so I try to hook him up when I can.”
Corkscrew on Franco: “Man, that guy’s an asshole. No, don’t give me that look, I don’t know what else to call it! He only cares about girls, and the only thing about girls he cares about is how they look naked. He’d push the Dalai Lama under a bus if a pretty Tibetan girl was watching. Are there even pretty Tibetan girls? Or are they all monks and seventy years old? But yeah, he’s a jerk. A smart one, though. People like him, for some reason, so they tend to do whatever he asks. Of course, that just feeds his ego, and he gets even more puffed-up. Someone needs to be the person to deflate him a little every now and then.”
Okay, I think that’s everyone! Now that we’re all caught up, let’s dive into the story!