[AGttA] Chapter 8.2: The Journey

Continued from Chapter 8.1, here.

Read it from the beginning, starting here.

Axiom 8: Adapt to setbacks.

It turns out that deserts are hot.  And the sand really stings when it blows in your eyes.  And even though something doesn’t look that far away, as you start walking towards it, you realize that yes, it really is that far away.

In short, deserts suck.  

I repeated this thought to myself over and over as I trudged through the sand, the tip of the sword blade dragging along as it hung low from my belt and leaving a long track behind me (at least, until the blowing, shifting sand covered it up). Through sunburned, slitted eyes, I glared at the mountain of Megiddo, which appeared absolutely no closer than it had started off whenever I first began hiking.

“Screw you, Apocalypse,” I coughed out from between dry, sore lips before I closed them, trying to keep the last little bit of moisture from seeping out of my husk of a body. Continue reading

The Rot

His footsteps were sure and steady, despite the slipperiness of the moss underfoot. He knew his way to the little knoll, had walked this path many times before.

The mist swirled in around him, and he held the lantern high, although its light failed to illuminate much of interest. Should a boar or other denizen of the forest emerge, the light would grant him no advance warning, no increased chance of escaping to safety.

The mist soaked into his robes, making them grow heavier as they clung to his body. He paid little heed to how they clung to his skin. The journey was more important. No matter whether the forest was dry or wet, he would complete his journey, would reach his destination. Continue reading

Meditation

I woke up and frowned. This wasn’t right. The whole world had gone yellow, and a pervasive smell crept into my nostrils, carrying strong notes of overripe banana.

After a few seconds of physical paralysis, my brain established that yes, I still did possess fingers. I reached up and removed the banana peel from where it sat draped over my face, and looked around.

A plastic roof only a foot above my head leaked sunlight, revealing that I sat in a metal container, about six feet long and three feet wide. Several parts of me ached, suggesting that I’d been tossed into the container, but my fall onto the steel floor had been cushioned by several bulky and half-torn bags of assorted garbage. Continue reading

[AGttA] Chapter 8.1: Megiddo

Continued from Chapter 8.0, here.

Read it from the beginning, starting here.

Axiom 8: Adapt to setbacks.

Okay, I told myself as I forced my eyes open.  Think about good news and bad news.

The good news was that, although I couldn’t confirm for certain that I was in Megiddo, the surroundings around me certainly matched my mental picture.  All around me, dust and sand blew across a constantly, ever-changing surface.  Ahead of me, I could see a single mountain rising up into the air, the scene shimmering in the heat radiating off the sand.

It certainly didn’t look like Hell, at least.  No enclosed cavern, no stalactites hanging from the ceiling, no demons flitting about on their little red wings and waving pitchforks.  

So that was good, at least.  I’d made it out of Hell, back up to the surface of Earth.  Presumably, Heaven was just a single step from here.

Of course, I didn’t know how to get to Heaven from here.  Eremiel hadn’t bothered to share that part of his plan with me.  Add that to the “bad news” column. Continue reading

The Island of Cipatli

Lord Herrington stepped up to the podium, gazing out at his audience. The usual learned men of London had gathered for the Royal Society’s monthly presentation, but he also saw a multitude of members of the public in the audience as well, looking eagerly up at him.

With a sigh, Lord Herrington resisted the urge to reach up and adjust his pince-nez. Word of his return from the New World had traveled quickly, making him something of a celebrity among those with an adventurous mindset. They’d come tonight to here him tell his tale, hoping for glimpses of another world, one far beyond their own humdrum lives.

He intended to speak of his observations on the biological variations in life, but he sensed his audience’s hunger for more. They didn’t want to hear about varying adaptations in the hooves of Cervidates to adapt to the moist jungle environment.

So as he wound down his speech, Lord Herrington decided to throw a bone to these common folks who had come out to hear him speak. Perhaps, he thought to himself, he could ensure that they did not leave completely disappointed. Continue reading

A Hatred of Chocolate

In retrospect, after midnight on a Friday evening in college is not the best time to make a deep, mind-shattering discovery about your best friend.

“Are you serious?” I howled across the table at Barry, pelting him with Hershey Kisses. “You don’t like chocolate? Man, what’s wrong with you!”

Barry did his best to block the shower of small projectiles, but he didn’t want to let go of his beer bottle, so several of the little foil-wrapped chocolates pinked off the glass container. “Nothing’s wrong!” he insisted. “I just don’t like the stuff, okay?”

“Nuh uh, not okay,” I said, shaking my head vehemently back and forth. With all the booze sitting in my stomach and pestering my liver, the head-shaking gesture made the room spin unsteadily, but I clamped both of my hands over my ears until the wooziness passed. “Who doesn’t like chocolate?” Continue reading

[AGttA] Chapter 8.0: Battle

Continued from Chapter 7.3, here.

Read it from the beginning, starting here.

Axiom 8: Adapt to setbacks.

I wasn’t sure what I expected to find on the other side of that door.  Maybe nothing at all.  Maybe an army of howling demons.  Maybe, and I desperately hoped for this outcome, a bunch of nubile young maidens who’d just laid out a lovely lunch of grilled paninis and didn’t have anyone to enjoy them with.

Unfortunately, I didn’t see a single maiden on the other side, much less a panini sandwich.  There wasn’t an army of devils or demons – but the devils I saw were more than big and scary enough to make me hesitate.

“There are many demons in Hell,” Eremiel had said before going through the door.  Now, we saw one of them, and I understood why Eremiel looked so anxious the entire time that we were passing through Hell.

We’d entered a large cavern, and this demon occupied most of it.  While Vinrael reminded me of a snarky salesman, a devil in one of Noel Coward’s upper English crust style plays, this one appeared to have stepped right out of the pages of a paperback fantasy novel.  Horns protruded not only from his head, but in a jagged line down his spine.  His eyes were two portals into pure flame, and more fire licked out of his mouth each time his jagged tongue came slipping out.  The demon was definitely male, I observed, trying to avert my eyes from where they kept on being drawn.  

More importantly, he stood between us and the door on the far side of the cavern, and he was most definitely angry.

“Easy there,” Vinrael urged, looking tiny as he stood in front of the massive demon, his arms up in a placating gesture.  “This isn’t as bad as it looks.  There’s a reasonable explanation for all of this, promise.”

“ANGEL!” the demon roared, pointing one long-clawed finger at Eremiel.  He looked ready to spring right over Vinrael and attack Eremiel, and the angel hefted his flaming sword higher, like a batter getting ready to swing at a pitch.

“Yes, but he’s here on demonic business!” Vinrael pleaded, but the huge demon was apparently no longer listening.  With a single, almost lazy swipe of his huge arm, he backhanded Vinrael all the way across the cavern.

I winced at the sound of Vinrael’s body smacking against the rocky wall.  It sounded like someone slapping a wet lump of ground beef.  Before anyone could move towards the stricken devil, however, the demon lunged forward to attack.

The next couple minutes devolved into chaos.

Eremiel proved to be quite a deft hand with that flaming sword, and Alice added to the firepower as she started blasting away with the shotgun in her hands.  However, the demon was huge, angry, and apparently invulnerable to bullets, and he threw back his head and let out a roar that shook the very foundations of the cavern.

“Jack!” Alice shouted at me, diving to the side as a demon claw swept through the air where she’d stood only moments before.  “Move!”

Still gripping the pistol that she’d handed me, I turned and looked at her, my brain feeling like it was filled with molasses.  “What?” I asked dumbly.

“The door!”  She pointed at the far side of the cavern where, through the haze of smoke coming off of the massive flaming demon, I could still see the door that Vinrael claimed would lead to Megiddo.  “You need to go!”

For a moment, I thought of arguing, but then the demon came charging in at us.  With a growl, Alice shoved me out of the way, and the demon slammed into the wall where we’d been standing moments earlier.  Chunks of stone came raining down from the ceiling with the force of his impact with the wall, several of them landing within inches of my sprawled limbs.

“Go!” Alice shouted at me again, rolling to her feet and firing the shotgun directly into the demon’s open mouth until the weapon ran dry.  Rather than bothering to try and reload it, she just threw it at the monster and reached for other weapons at her belt.

I didn’t stick around to see what she tried next.  I scrambled up to my feet and staggered across the cavern, doing my best to dodge the flailing limbs and gouts of fire that erupted from the demon as it fought against the angel and the mortal.

After what felt like an eternity of getting thrown off of my feet, slammed into walls, and diving to the floor to avoid various attacks, I reached out – and felt cool metal under my fingertips.  I glanced up with wide eyes, and saw my fingers curling around the handle of the door on the cavern’s far side!

“I’m at the door!” I shouted, turning to look at how Eremiel and Alice were faring against the massive demon.

Not good, I quickly saw.  Alice kept on attacking, but one of her arms hung uselessly at her side, and her expression was twisted in pain.  Eremiel stood right in front of the demon, blazing sword swinging back and forth, but even as I watched, the demon slammed his claws down on top of the angel, all but crushing him against the wall.

Alice glanced over at me.  “Go!” she shouted again.

“Yes, but-”

“I said go!”  She looked down at the ground between us, but even I could see that it was too far.  She couldn’t make it to me, not before the demon caught up with her and attacked from behind.  “Get to Megiddo!”

“And then what?”  I couldn’t even remember the rest of our plan.

“Stop the Apocalypse!”  Alice looked as if she wanted to say more, but then the demon roared again, and she spun around to try and fight it off for another few moments.

I hesitated an instant longer, but I realized that I couldn’t do anything else here.  If I waited, her sacrifice would be in vain.

I grabbed the handle of the door in front of me, twisted it open, and stepped through the doorway.  For one last instant, I heard the sounds of battle coming from behind me – and just before the door closed after me, cutting off all sound, I thought that I heard a female scream, even above the demon’s roar.  Something shot past me, a whoosh of air just past my ear.

On the other side of the doorway, standing in shifting, blowing sand, I squeezed my eyes shut and failed to fight a rush of tears.

Meeting Myself.

I groaned as I accepted the tall pint glass from the bartender. Man, after today, dealing with Janet’s countless stupid email requests, I really needed this drink. I might even refill the glass a few times, just to make sure that I scrubbed the memory of dealing with that awful woman out of my head.

Taking a sip of the brimming glass, I turned and glanced around Third Street Bar, looking for an open table. Given as it was right at quitting time on a Friday, however, the place was packed. I finally spotted an open seat in a booth near the back.

I carefully wove my way over to the booth, noting that the other side was occupied by a gentleman with a baseball cap pulled low over his face. “Mind if I sit here?” I asked him politely. Continue reading

High School Reunions in Zombieland

“Hey, Tallahassee, pull over for a minute!”

Next to me, the big man behind the wheel grunted, not looking over at me. “What?” he asked sourly, not taking his foot off of the accelerator.

“Seriously, come on. See that building?” I pointed out through the windshield, still grimy from an old splatter of blood that I hadn’t managed to fully scrape off at our last gas station. “Head over to that.”

For a minute, I thought that Tallahassee wouldn’t bother, that he’d just keep driving. After all, we’d set our destination as Dayton (“That big race track has just GOTTA have Twinkies!”, he’d exclaimed), and we had a few more hours of driving to go. The sun was already starting to sink towards the horizon.

Rule #9: Avoid driving after dark. Zombies don’t look both ways. Continue reading

[AGttA] Chapter 7.3: The Warren of Hell

Continued from Chapter 7.2, here.

Read it from the beginning, starting here.

Axiom 7: Remain positive.

Once Vinrael had agreed to help us, he didn’t spend any more time sitting around his office.  As soon as he shook each of our hands (“Devil’s handshake,” he said with a grin to us that made me feel like he was about to take a bite), he immediately headed for the door. 

“Well, are you lot coming?” he asked over his shoulder, as we all turned to him.  “We can’t hang around here!  Do you know what sort of trouble I’d be facing if someone finds out that I’m consorting with mortals?  Or worse, him?”

“I feel quite the same way,” Eremiel replied stiffly, looking back with distaste at the finger the devil pointed towards him.  “The sooner this ends, the better.”

Clearly, neither of our allies felt quite comfortable with each other.  Alice and I shared a look of commingled frustration, and then nodded.   Continue reading